Monday, January 17, 2005

Sign for This!

One of my colleagues is quite posh. Not overbearingly posh, but all the tell-tale signs are there: never talks of money, elegant posture, good diction. The other day she told the team a story about an event of the day before. She lives in Durham City – in a 2 storey house. She had been busy preparing for a friend’s wedding for a couple of weeks and on that afternoon last week, she found herself waiting in for the postman. She had ordered something original and stylish from the internet and expected it to turn up in the lunchtime post. Whilst tidying her upstairs study, she heard the distinctive sound of a postal van pulling up outside. Looking from her upstairs window, she was surprised that the driver did not emerge from his cab. Sadly, it was not the delivery she expected. She then noticed a strange motion in the driver’s seat. She reached for her glasses. To her great surprise she realised that the postman was, in fact, masturbating. He was masking the act from the ground-level public, with a parcel. My colleague gasped in the realisation that she might be on the verge of receiving a rather soiled item of post. On hearing the story, I suggested that the postman could possibly have been selflessly conscientious. Having discovered an unsealed package in his charge, he had scoured his van for sticking tape or glue…..Perhaps then – in devotion to duty - he thought he might improvise some adhesive fluid……”No”, replied my colleague, demurely, “he was definitely just wanking.”